things you'd rather be doing

a good friend and i use to pay this game when were both at work. we both work jobs where we just sit in front of a computer doing pointless things and talking on the phone. jobs that only exist to facilitate capitalism, you know what i mean?
anyway, we work these jobs we both hate (actually, he doesn't work his anymore, he quit and is going to law school) and during the day we'd tell each other the 3 things we'd rather be doing.
like:
reading, hiking, eating pancakes
or
cooking a huge breakfast with friends, sleeping in, eating outside
or
sitting in a field of wildflowers, dreaming, having sex
or
swimming, cuddling, writing
or
reading, riding a horse, hanging out with you

you get the idea. all 2 of you that might read this.
today my list is much longer than 3 things. today i'm thinking about how much energy i put into doing things i don't want to do and thinking about things i'd rather be doing. and also, the reason(s) i'm not doing them.


*hoping trains
*sitting in a field of wildflowers
*sleeping
*making out
*hanging out with my best friends
*horse back riding
*feeding a horse apples
*swimming
*listening to records
*reading
*writing
*cuddling
*hiking
*having dinner with a special friend
*hanging with my supportive lady friends
*drinking margaritas
*making iced tea
*driving to montana
*being montana
*kissing someone who lives in montana
*hanging out with some dogs i know in montana
*kissing someone who doesn't live anywhere and has face tattoos (awkward, i know!)
*packing
*eating a really delicious breakfast
*looking at clouds
*preparing my new room
*cuddling with my cat
*driving through a storm listening to godflesh and wolves in the throne room
*smelling herbs
*arranging scarves
*hanging out with james

while i writing this a mosquito bit the part of the underside of my chin.

new life mission

eradicate all roaches from the planet. seriously, in a couple million years they're going to be 8 ft tall and running the world on nuclear power with mammals as slaves if we don't do something. do something NOW.

dear fancy, terrible future world we live in,

go fuck yourself. you are so dumb. there are a lot of awesome things about you, and how easy it is to communicate with friends using mini devises that fit in our pockets. but there are so MANY MANY dumb things about you. here is my list:
*working in order to eat. instead of learning skills like hunting, farming, plant identification, we work. i work at a job which wouldn't exist if people learned how to grow and make food themselves. in order to feed myself and my cat i feed other people. in order for a lot of people to eat they have to feed other people. we don't have the same access to learning gardening, cooking and hunting as we use to. in this crazy future we live in we're losing skills it took thousands of years to perfect....
*cars. they make loud noises, smell bad and are pretty dangerous. while i know that using horses for transportation is kind of fucked up, i also know that horses eat things that come from the ground, and cars eat things that we have to destroy the ground (where we could be growing our and our horse's food) and pollute our bodies to get to. cars eat things that give us cancer. that's not to say i don't appreciate how fast motorized vehicles get us places, or how awesome it is that they play music or other things about them, that's just to say that our dependence on them is killing us and taking away valuable beet growing space. AND ROBING MY LIFE OF HORSES. we don't need at all as many motorized vehicles as we have in this crazy future... bikes are also cool.
*tv. don't get me wrong, i love the x-files. but i think we need to be honest that only purpose is entertainment. entertainment is not bad, it can be good to relax, to make us think about things in a new way, to pass time, but it can also distract us from taking care of ourselves and each other. the sheer amount of resources that go into developing tv shows, filming tv shows, paying actors, paying writers, the money, the land used (that land could have been used to grow food on), etc is completely insane. we're spending so much time, energy, money and resources on entertainment while people are starving in our communities and around the world. we could half the amount of money, time, resources, etc spent on tv shows and still have hundreds of tv shows to choose from and maybe use some of those resources to feed people and build housing... also, if we didn't spend so much time watching tv, think of the skills we could be learning and the experiences we could be having.
*sky scrappers. they could fall on me. i know this is irrational. but my irrational fear is this crazy future's fault.
*businesses, business parks, sky scrapers, etc that have pictures of beautiful nature scenes hanging inside of them. we live in a future in which we appreciate nature by destroying in order to build buildings for business (not even for housing most of the time) and then putting pictures of the nature we're destroying in the buildings. so, while we work at mostly pointless jobs which wouldn't exist with out capitalism and the stock market, we can be reminded of the nature we're missing out on by slowly destroying all of it. but hey, we have this painting of what use to be here... do rich business people love irony more than hipsters or something?
*hipsters. even hipsters hate hipsters, and themselves. they're just like rich business people who make money off of oppression. i'll explain this further sometime when i'm drunk and in an art bashing mood. not that i don't like art...
*electoral politics. come on! people represent communities? these just become popularity contests, and a chance for the elite to convince us they want to fight for us. and a chance for the elite who do want to fight for us to become bogged down and bitter while they fight.
*internet comments. instead of discussing things in person we can say whatever the fuck we want with zero accountability. much like i'm doing right now...
*a lot of other things, i'm sure.

so, again, there are things i like about you. but a lot of things i don't. we can have a further conversation some other time, when i'm less mad at you and how lame you are, future.

kbye
arwyn

what do beets think?

1. What time did you get up this morning? i'm still in the ground

2. Diamonds or pearls? neither you fucking oppressor

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? dirty earth worms 3 or cheerbeets 1 and 2

4. What is your favorite TV show? underground spider ties

5. What do you usually have for breakfast? get my leaves ready for the sun

6. What is your middle name? beetatrix

11. What characteristic do you despise? over cookers

13. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? a salad with candied pecans and lemon juice! fancy!!!

15. Where would you retire to? ooh, an active compost!

16. What was your most recent memorable birthday? 2 weeks old, when it rained a bunch and i got rich soil and lots of worms

17. Favorite sport to watch? beetle battle royal

20. When is your birthday? March 11th 2010

21. Are you a morning person or a night person? mid morning

25. What did you want to be when you were little? i went through a phase where i wanted to be a carrot, it was after my best friend who was a carrot seed died. complicated.

28. What is your favorite flower? marigold, the keep the bugs that eat me away!

29. What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to? May 23rd, i'll be ready to harvest around then!

30. What's your full name? red beetatrix amaranth

33. Do you wish on stars? what are stars?

34. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? magenta or blood red

39. Real hair color? redish brown

41. Summer or winter? summer!!

42. Hugs or kisses? kisses. i make peoples lips red

47. What is under your bed? an earth worm

48. What did you do last night? i soaked up a lot of rain, produced some sugar like chemical and sunk a little deeper in the soil

49. What are you afraid of ? SNAILS!!!

50. Salty or sweet? sweet

things i want

various things to change day to day life:

-new boots
-traveling
-rearrangement of furniture
-new tattoos
-shaving my head for $600
-welding classes
-new copper ear rings
-being outside more (as opposed to winter where i stay inside and sew)
-go running more often
-make new fence for house
-selling more homemade things
-being more honest in friendships
-daily tarot card readings by candle light
-metal yoga, mother fuckers!


"And I regret, I regret
How I said to you, honey, just open your heart
When I’ve got trouble even opening a honey jar"

sfagea

bvgearsghrfd

lists of things i like and dislike

dislike
*losing my kitten
*huge crowds of old hipsters acting like frat boys
*sxsw (similar to above)
*traffic
*having to share small kitchens
*cars
*being honked at
*nightmares
*being reminded of nightmares
*misogyny
*fucked up use of resources
*frat boys
*a majority of college students (see fucked up use of resources)
*partners with bad communication
*friends being sad (although sometimes that creates good being sad together opportunities or good opportunities to think of ways to cheer them up)
*mosquitoes
*lady friends catering to guys in ways which sacrifice themselves
*repetition of fucked up societal dynamics in relationships (both in mine and others)
*indecisiveness (both my own and others)
*tarot card readings that prove the horrible thing i already thought
*people not being aware of the physical/verbal/etc space they take up
*realizing that i'm not being aware of that myself
*racism
*underlying racism that's hard to call out
*classism
*homophobia
*transphobia and lack of respect/understand of trans issues
*people who can't see past gender roles
*feelings of defeat
*stupid questions
*customers who call from bad cell phones and then get mad at me for not being able to understand them
*our point of sales system
*rude customers
*rude cashiers
*that i'm shitty at sending letters/packages
*missing friends
*rude hipsters
*hipsters benefiting from the oppression of working class people and people of color
*hipsters making fun of the working class people who's oppression they often benefit from
*bitch as an insult
*stressful family situations
*people talking really loud
*feeling like a giant monster trapped inside a small woman
*sizism, and lack of recognition of sizism
*when my dogs bark while i'm in a bad mood
*feeling like i can't learn new things
*50% of the time sex
*finding out what assholes 1/2 the bands i like are
*the fact that my favorite kind of music (punk/metal) and favorite movies (horror) are both riddled with machismo, misogyny and occasional (or often) straight up dumbness
*that shitty band that always plays the farmer's market and thinks they're blues
*when that shitty band gets the lyrics of the covers they're doing wrong
*when that shitty band thinks that bod dylan wrote traditional gospel and country songs
*when that shitty bands plays late


like
*cats
*cuddling
*cuties
*friendship
*friends reminding me that i'm a ferocious, compassionate, badass who can do anything
*telling my friends how amazing, smart, self aware and badass they are and how they can do anything
*dogs
*snakes
*birds
*foxes
*seeing wild animals
*remembering that i'm wild
*learning new things
*having fantasies about fire dancing while doing other things
*having fantasies about sex while doing other things
*writing
*seeing pictures of bands i like that are now 30-40, when they were 15, wearing iron maiden shirts and torn jeans
*bitch as a complement
*cunt as a compliment
*eating burdock root
*carrots
*feathers
*finding dead animals and taking their bones
*sunglasses
*polite people
*glasses
*girls who draw on mustaches
*boys who wear glasses
*going beyond radical politics to radical relationships and radical community
*bonding with women
*getting to know women
*drinking with my sister
*treasure city thrift store
*running
*sleeping
*open windows when it's warm
*100 degree weather
*when my dogs smile at me
*when i can sleep in and my cat is cuddly
*polar bears and the fact that they can kill me
*the idea of live polar bears as fashion and friends
*cooking with friends
*cooking for friends
*friends cooking for me
*pieces of metal (in all forms)
*the smell of certain kinds of metal
*the song "metal is forever"
*letters
*iced tea
*beer
*beets
*the concept of the word "beet" replacing the word "beat"
*the concept of the word "beet" replacing other words (primarily nouns)
*mad libs
*the idea of the apocalypse
*apocalyptic movies
*respectful friends
*respectful hook ups
*intimate friendships
*adventures
*having friends come into town
*being able to cheer people up
*hearing a good friend say "i love you"
*spying on stray cats and then pretending i wasn't watching them when they stop licking themselves and look at me
*black and white cats
*the way cats smell
*horses
*the way horses smell
*wild horses and the fact they still exist
*making up games with friends
*being left alone when i want to be or ask to be
*flowers
*monsters
*blood
*windchimes
*windchimes made from soup cans by me
*the moon
*sunlight
*bamboo forests (when they're not filled with mosquitoes)
*witches
*thinking about witches use ecotage spells
*the concept of making things out of bones
*recycling
*herbs
*ginger
*alone time
*pine trees
*jokes
*scrabble
*wine
*doing things myself
*doing things together
*smoking cigarettes with friends
*when people check in with me
*dreams about swamps
*windows
*glitter
*willow trees
*painting
*using my hands
*dumpstering
*finding treasures

cheesy

i'm going to be cheesy and post a poem i wrote.

foxfire heart
little sister
where's the foxfire heart?
hears the lonely trains
here's your lonely hands
i saw the river winding black
and it brought my dreams like a snake
i never looked back

2 lists

list one: things i found on my clothing today, Tuesday
*salt
*cat hair
*mystery hair which doesn't belong to either of my cats or my dogs
*red thread
*a feather

list two: things i've done from my to do list i wrote yesterday
*cleaned the bathroom, half way, sort of
*cuddled my cat
*appropriated some viking culture
*ate children


this was indeed an exciting day.

beet happening

this exists. it eat chickens.

*to do list*
-eat children
-clean desk
-attach shelves to desk
-clean bathroom
-do yoga
-appropriate more cultures
-cuddle my cat
-make some jewelry

i would know it was meant to be if

someone gave me this: http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=32758109

what about you?

series of bloody pics of hot beets

pumb up beet pump it up

we were suppose to plant beets and carrots this week. our plans changed, however, to getting sick. we decided this was better. i don't know why. if i could go through the consensus process with my roommate and our bodies again i think i would block.

fuck you mucus, get out of my body. i wanna plant carrots and beets...