dear chihuahua next door

not that innocent!!!

Dear Chihuahua Who Lives Next Door,
fuck you.
seriously.
this morning i was just waking up, outside i heard the noises of my 7 yr old roommate romping around, playfully. i had just had a great dream and woken up before my alarm clock, staring out the window at the trees moving softly. in this dreamy, slightly awake state i suddenly hear you, Cocoa, barking your goddamned head off. as i hear you everyday, multiple times a day, every time me or someone else in my house walks outside.
we've never done anything bad to you, Cocoa, yet you're completely filled with hate for the 3 of us and any of our friends who walk into the back yard. why? it's not your territory, it's on the other side of the fence for christ's sake. it's clearly not you job to defend OUR backyard. we've never come into your back yard, not even tried, ever! yet you feel so threatened and hate filled towards us that you sit at the edge of your territory and wait for the back door to open so you can make sure we know and understand that you want us to die. what the fuck, Cocoa?! We don't bark at you! Neither do our dogs- Tasha and Clover. In fact, Tasha completely ignores you and doesn't pee on your fence, she never threatens your territory! no one does, yet you act like we've tried to kill you and pee on your land over and over again.
i have news for you, Cocoa, land ownership is silly, so are borders and so are you! you're more than silly! you're deranged. How can something so small be filled with SO MUCH HATE? i don't understand, but i hate you back! shut up in the morning or i'm peeing on your side of the fence!!

-arwyn, human next door

things i'm excited about today, right now, at this moment, today

*coffee exists
*i'm drinking coffee
*babies exist (humans reproduce? and cats!)
*friends in town from houston
*radical consent workshop tonight
*dealing/pushing kittens
*friends!!! friendship!! related things!
*the idea of seeing my friends who are far away
*crushes! both in austin and far away
*coffee
*email from Nick Riotfag (who doesn't know he's my future bff yet, but soon will)
*breakfast tacos
*the clueless soundtrack
*friends in town from san antonio
*accounting for radical/anarchist businesses (oxymorons?)
*talking about accounting
*friends fighting grand juries and winning!
*the friends i've made in resisting grand juries myself
*building trust in communities and shit
*BETCH (http://betchatx.blogspot.com)
*people challenging the gender norms
*thinking about consent in broader contexts (but still also in sexy contexts)
*rancor fighting fascism at treasure city thrift!
*coffee as an anti-depressant
*MAGNETS

things you'd rather be doing

a good friend and i use to pay this game when were both at work. we both work jobs where we just sit in front of a computer doing pointless things and talking on the phone. jobs that only exist to facilitate capitalism, you know what i mean?
anyway, we work these jobs we both hate (actually, he doesn't work his anymore, he quit and is going to law school) and during the day we'd tell each other the 3 things we'd rather be doing.
like:
reading, hiking, eating pancakes
or
cooking a huge breakfast with friends, sleeping in, eating outside
or
sitting in a field of wildflowers, dreaming, having sex
or
swimming, cuddling, writing
or
reading, riding a horse, hanging out with you

you get the idea. all 2 of you that might read this.
today my list is much longer than 3 things. today i'm thinking about how much energy i put into doing things i don't want to do and thinking about things i'd rather be doing. and also, the reason(s) i'm not doing them.


*hoping trains
*sitting in a field of wildflowers
*sleeping
*making out
*hanging out with my best friends
*horse back riding
*feeding a horse apples
*swimming
*listening to records
*reading
*writing
*cuddling
*hiking
*having dinner with a special friend
*hanging with my supportive lady friends
*drinking margaritas
*making iced tea
*driving to montana
*being montana
*kissing someone who lives in montana
*hanging out with some dogs i know in montana
*kissing someone who doesn't live anywhere and has face tattoos (awkward, i know!)
*packing
*eating a really delicious breakfast
*looking at clouds
*preparing my new room
*cuddling with my cat
*driving through a storm listening to godflesh and wolves in the throne room
*smelling herbs
*arranging scarves
*hanging out with james

while i writing this a mosquito bit the part of the underside of my chin.

new life mission

eradicate all roaches from the planet. seriously, in a couple million years they're going to be 8 ft tall and running the world on nuclear power with mammals as slaves if we don't do something. do something NOW.

dear fancy, terrible future world we live in,

go fuck yourself. you are so dumb. there are a lot of awesome things about you, and how easy it is to communicate with friends using mini devises that fit in our pockets. but there are so MANY MANY dumb things about you. here is my list:
*working in order to eat. instead of learning skills like hunting, farming, plant identification, we work. i work at a job which wouldn't exist if people learned how to grow and make food themselves. in order to feed myself and my cat i feed other people. in order for a lot of people to eat they have to feed other people. we don't have the same access to learning gardening, cooking and hunting as we use to. in this crazy future we live in we're losing skills it took thousands of years to perfect....
*cars. they make loud noises, smell bad and are pretty dangerous. while i know that using horses for transportation is kind of fucked up, i also know that horses eat things that come from the ground, and cars eat things that we have to destroy the ground (where we could be growing our and our horse's food) and pollute our bodies to get to. cars eat things that give us cancer. that's not to say i don't appreciate how fast motorized vehicles get us places, or how awesome it is that they play music or other things about them, that's just to say that our dependence on them is killing us and taking away valuable beet growing space. AND ROBING MY LIFE OF HORSES. we don't need at all as many motorized vehicles as we have in this crazy future... bikes are also cool.
*tv. don't get me wrong, i love the x-files. but i think we need to be honest that only purpose is entertainment. entertainment is not bad, it can be good to relax, to make us think about things in a new way, to pass time, but it can also distract us from taking care of ourselves and each other. the sheer amount of resources that go into developing tv shows, filming tv shows, paying actors, paying writers, the money, the land used (that land could have been used to grow food on), etc is completely insane. we're spending so much time, energy, money and resources on entertainment while people are starving in our communities and around the world. we could half the amount of money, time, resources, etc spent on tv shows and still have hundreds of tv shows to choose from and maybe use some of those resources to feed people and build housing... also, if we didn't spend so much time watching tv, think of the skills we could be learning and the experiences we could be having.
*sky scrappers. they could fall on me. i know this is irrational. but my irrational fear is this crazy future's fault.
*businesses, business parks, sky scrapers, etc that have pictures of beautiful nature scenes hanging inside of them. we live in a future in which we appreciate nature by destroying in order to build buildings for business (not even for housing most of the time) and then putting pictures of the nature we're destroying in the buildings. so, while we work at mostly pointless jobs which wouldn't exist with out capitalism and the stock market, we can be reminded of the nature we're missing out on by slowly destroying all of it. but hey, we have this painting of what use to be here... do rich business people love irony more than hipsters or something?
*hipsters. even hipsters hate hipsters, and themselves. they're just like rich business people who make money off of oppression. i'll explain this further sometime when i'm drunk and in an art bashing mood. not that i don't like art...
*electoral politics. come on! people represent communities? these just become popularity contests, and a chance for the elite to convince us they want to fight for us. and a chance for the elite who do want to fight for us to become bogged down and bitter while they fight.
*internet comments. instead of discussing things in person we can say whatever the fuck we want with zero accountability. much like i'm doing right now...
*a lot of other things, i'm sure.

so, again, there are things i like about you. but a lot of things i don't. we can have a further conversation some other time, when i'm less mad at you and how lame you are, future.

kbye
arwyn

what do beets think?

1. What time did you get up this morning? i'm still in the ground

2. Diamonds or pearls? neither you fucking oppressor

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? dirty earth worms 3 or cheerbeets 1 and 2

4. What is your favorite TV show? underground spider ties

5. What do you usually have for breakfast? get my leaves ready for the sun

6. What is your middle name? beetatrix

11. What characteristic do you despise? over cookers

13. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? a salad with candied pecans and lemon juice! fancy!!!

15. Where would you retire to? ooh, an active compost!

16. What was your most recent memorable birthday? 2 weeks old, when it rained a bunch and i got rich soil and lots of worms

17. Favorite sport to watch? beetle battle royal

20. When is your birthday? March 11th 2010

21. Are you a morning person or a night person? mid morning

25. What did you want to be when you were little? i went through a phase where i wanted to be a carrot, it was after my best friend who was a carrot seed died. complicated.

28. What is your favorite flower? marigold, the keep the bugs that eat me away!

29. What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to? May 23rd, i'll be ready to harvest around then!

30. What's your full name? red beetatrix amaranth

33. Do you wish on stars? what are stars?

34. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? magenta or blood red

39. Real hair color? redish brown

41. Summer or winter? summer!!

42. Hugs or kisses? kisses. i make peoples lips red

47. What is under your bed? an earth worm

48. What did you do last night? i soaked up a lot of rain, produced some sugar like chemical and sunk a little deeper in the soil

49. What are you afraid of ? SNAILS!!!

50. Salty or sweet? sweet

things i want

various things to change day to day life:

-new boots
-traveling
-rearrangement of furniture
-new tattoos
-shaving my head for $600
-welding classes
-new copper ear rings
-being outside more (as opposed to winter where i stay inside and sew)
-go running more often
-make new fence for house
-selling more homemade things
-being more honest in friendships
-daily tarot card readings by candle light
-metal yoga, mother fuckers!


"And I regret, I regret
How I said to you, honey, just open your heart
When I’ve got trouble even opening a honey jar"

sfagea

bvgearsghrfd

lists of things i like and dislike

dislike
*losing my kitten
*huge crowds of old hipsters acting like frat boys
*sxsw (similar to above)
*traffic
*having to share small kitchens
*cars
*being honked at
*nightmares
*being reminded of nightmares
*misogyny
*fucked up use of resources
*frat boys
*a majority of college students (see fucked up use of resources)
*partners with bad communication
*friends being sad (although sometimes that creates good being sad together opportunities or good opportunities to think of ways to cheer them up)
*mosquitoes
*lady friends catering to guys in ways which sacrifice themselves
*repetition of fucked up societal dynamics in relationships (both in mine and others)
*indecisiveness (both my own and others)
*tarot card readings that prove the horrible thing i already thought
*people not being aware of the physical/verbal/etc space they take up
*realizing that i'm not being aware of that myself
*racism
*underlying racism that's hard to call out
*classism
*homophobia
*transphobia and lack of respect/understand of trans issues
*people who can't see past gender roles
*feelings of defeat
*stupid questions
*customers who call from bad cell phones and then get mad at me for not being able to understand them
*our point of sales system
*rude customers
*rude cashiers
*that i'm shitty at sending letters/packages
*missing friends
*rude hipsters
*hipsters benefiting from the oppression of working class people and people of color
*hipsters making fun of the working class people who's oppression they often benefit from
*bitch as an insult
*stressful family situations
*people talking really loud
*feeling like a giant monster trapped inside a small woman
*sizism, and lack of recognition of sizism
*when my dogs bark while i'm in a bad mood
*feeling like i can't learn new things
*50% of the time sex
*finding out what assholes 1/2 the bands i like are
*the fact that my favorite kind of music (punk/metal) and favorite movies (horror) are both riddled with machismo, misogyny and occasional (or often) straight up dumbness
*that shitty band that always plays the farmer's market and thinks they're blues
*when that shitty band gets the lyrics of the covers they're doing wrong
*when that shitty band thinks that bod dylan wrote traditional gospel and country songs
*when that shitty bands plays late


like
*cats
*cuddling
*cuties
*friendship
*friends reminding me that i'm a ferocious, compassionate, badass who can do anything
*telling my friends how amazing, smart, self aware and badass they are and how they can do anything
*dogs
*snakes
*birds
*foxes
*seeing wild animals
*remembering that i'm wild
*learning new things
*having fantasies about fire dancing while doing other things
*having fantasies about sex while doing other things
*writing
*seeing pictures of bands i like that are now 30-40, when they were 15, wearing iron maiden shirts and torn jeans
*bitch as a complement
*cunt as a compliment
*eating burdock root
*carrots
*feathers
*finding dead animals and taking their bones
*sunglasses
*polite people
*glasses
*girls who draw on mustaches
*boys who wear glasses
*going beyond radical politics to radical relationships and radical community
*bonding with women
*getting to know women
*drinking with my sister
*treasure city thrift store
*running
*sleeping
*open windows when it's warm
*100 degree weather
*when my dogs smile at me
*when i can sleep in and my cat is cuddly
*polar bears and the fact that they can kill me
*the idea of live polar bears as fashion and friends
*cooking with friends
*cooking for friends
*friends cooking for me
*pieces of metal (in all forms)
*the smell of certain kinds of metal
*the song "metal is forever"
*letters
*iced tea
*beer
*beets
*the concept of the word "beet" replacing the word "beat"
*the concept of the word "beet" replacing other words (primarily nouns)
*mad libs
*the idea of the apocalypse
*apocalyptic movies
*respectful friends
*respectful hook ups
*intimate friendships
*adventures
*having friends come into town
*being able to cheer people up
*hearing a good friend say "i love you"
*spying on stray cats and then pretending i wasn't watching them when they stop licking themselves and look at me
*black and white cats
*the way cats smell
*horses
*the way horses smell
*wild horses and the fact they still exist
*making up games with friends
*being left alone when i want to be or ask to be
*flowers
*monsters
*blood
*windchimes
*windchimes made from soup cans by me
*the moon
*sunlight
*bamboo forests (when they're not filled with mosquitoes)
*witches
*thinking about witches use ecotage spells
*the concept of making things out of bones
*recycling
*herbs
*ginger
*alone time
*pine trees
*jokes
*scrabble
*wine
*doing things myself
*doing things together
*smoking cigarettes with friends
*when people check in with me
*dreams about swamps
*windows
*glitter
*willow trees
*painting
*using my hands
*dumpstering
*finding treasures

cheesy

i'm going to be cheesy and post a poem i wrote.

foxfire heart
little sister
where's the foxfire heart?
hears the lonely trains
here's your lonely hands
i saw the river winding black
and it brought my dreams like a snake
i never looked back

2 lists

list one: things i found on my clothing today, Tuesday
*salt
*cat hair
*mystery hair which doesn't belong to either of my cats or my dogs
*red thread
*a feather

list two: things i've done from my to do list i wrote yesterday
*cleaned the bathroom, half way, sort of
*cuddled my cat
*appropriated some viking culture
*ate children


this was indeed an exciting day.

beet happening

this exists. it eat chickens.

*to do list*
-eat children
-clean desk
-attach shelves to desk
-clean bathroom
-do yoga
-appropriate more cultures
-cuddle my cat
-make some jewelry

i would know it was meant to be if

someone gave me this: http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=32758109

what about you?

series of bloody pics of hot beets

pumb up beet pump it up

we were suppose to plant beets and carrots this week. our plans changed, however, to getting sick. we decided this was better. i don't know why. if i could go through the consensus process with my roommate and our bodies again i think i would block.

fuck you mucus, get out of my body. i wanna plant carrots and beets...

exerpts from my personal journal

june 25th, 2009

"there's no poetic way to put this... I AM GOING SO FUCKING BOY CRAZY RIGHT NOW"


july 15th, 2009

"swamp
crying
letters
calls
awkward everything
punk boys

this is like a soup. everything sinks to the bottom. "



july 18th, 2009

"hi, come fuck my brains out. k bye.
aka the text message you would have gotten from me tonight had you not been such a punk rock, misogynist, asshole.

YOU LOSE EVERYTHING!"


september 16th, 2009

"examine
learn
binge drink
examine"

things i should have more of

-beets
-carrots*
-horror movies
-vitamins
-lil kim
-sun light
-magic potions
-positive sexual experiences**
-kittens
-fresh fruit***
-beet puns

*the ones from the farmer's market and taste like orange heaven
**which i've been having more of. these are made easier while sober, with cute, positive people.
***like tree picked fresh

rusty razors, etc

sunday afternoon i was hungover. my coffee and scrambled eggs had worn off and i was fading into a daze where the only things existing are what's in front of me. which was a window and beyond that some gray clouds. i think i was listening to wolves in the throne room, which just made me even more dazed out. anyhoo, all this was while i was cleaning the windows at my favorite place, Treasure City Thrift store (your one stop shop for hip ass shit). i had scrapped the sticker and tape off all of them and was wiping the left over residue with some weird chemical residue solvent from an aerosol can and feeling slightly guilty about it, but too tired and too mad at the windows and our old slumlord to not use it. maybe i was also having a macho i need to prove i can do everything really fucking well and be needed moments.
so this is the equation:
hungover + dazed + dreamy + wolves in the throne room + guilt + mad
and what is equals is preoccupied.
and i totally cut my finger open on the rusty razor i was using to scrape this last bit of shit off the window. it barely bled, it was not at all as exciting as cutting a beet. but was more dangerous. i washed it 3 times with out the dirt coming off my hands. the 4th time some dirt came off. there's no hot water at our old building (see slumlord), but i was lucky enough to have a friend bring me some crazy neosporain-esk stuff he had squeezed in a plastic bag and a band aid. however, i'm not sure if these things fully protected my finger from the lot filled with used condoms, trash, dirt, pee smelling clothes and a bag left over from a composting toilet. so today, i got a tetanus shot from a man who looked like santa.

i only hope i got it in time. so i won't become this guy:

let's have some fun this beet is sick

this beet is sick by a.fox on
borscht recipe!!

2 beets (with the beet greens! or chard if the greens are gross)
an onion (or half of one)
some garlic
a potato
a carrot
a lemon
a beer
fresh dill
can of kidney or navy beans

chop everything to a size you're comfortable eating. EXCEPT THE BEER.
saute the onion and garlic together in a pot of comparable size to a pressure cooker. when the onion is soft and clear add the potato and saute longer. personally, i like my potato to be soft and the beets and carrots a little crisp, so i cook the potato a little longer. but you don't have to do it that way.
anyway, after a few minutes of sauteing things, fill the pot about half way with water, then add beets, carrots and a couple splashes of beer. stir! add a little bit of salt. let it simmer for a while, like 5-10 minutes, then add the can of beans and the beet greens. and more beer! stir some more! simmer for another 5-10 minutes.
cut up like 1/2a sprig of the dill and put some of it in the soup. add a little more salt and some pepper and stir. if it's lacking flavor add more beer and let it simmer a little longer. if you like dill a lot, put more in. after the flavor has cooked in more cut up the lemon and squeeze some lemon juice in there. the dill and the lemon will help give i that sour flavor it's suppose to have. it seems like it also tastes better the more beer it (i) has.

add salt and pepper to taste and tell people you're eating blood soup when they ask you what exciting thing you're eating.

blood stained hands

for Becki, our friendship is stained magenta forever.

http://puddingpopsforever.blogspot.com

beet carnage

things i found on my shirt today,
Monday:
dog hair
fuzz
butternut squash soup
smokey smells

things to do this week

a)love my friends. a lot.
b)make borscht.
c)make love to my friends?
d)get seeds. beet and carrot.
e)treasure city meeting
f)make more metal sculptures while listening to black sabbath
g)clean my room




"be your best friend yeah i'll love you forever, up in the club yeah we're higher than ever, so happy i can die and it's alright"

things i ate today

-a piece of brownie
-carrot juice
-coffee
-the peanut butter out of one of those peanut butter pretzels
-stir fry
-your parents