things i wanna eat

-pizza
-chocolate cake
-beer
-cupcakes
-hash browns

instead i'll just drink more grapefruit seed extract and pretend it tastes like all of those things.

i want to be a monster

with horns and fur and sharp teeth.
always.

speaking of

*rough draft*

blue light
the jaw xray hanging
shaking at your touch
at futures so unknown
glowing walls and teeth
kisses i can’t even feel
caught up in wanting

pink light
of the street lamps
blue ice cracking beneath us
the lake i have never seen
in winter, like this
all the years i use to live here

all the ways you held me
in one night
in the piles of your laundry
in the shadows of the evergreens
in the blue gloam of your room

midnight i am standing shirtless
leaning to let the music swell
the memory in my muscles
repetition and planning

your skin white
the sheets
the pale morning

John Maus

me: i'm going to write him a letter
and ask him if he's an anarchist
and ask him on a date

sean: john maus?

....

me: i'm going to send him a copy of the call

sean: lol, do it!
send him a pretty copy of at daggers drawn

me: should i send him my poetry, too?

sean: depends on the poem, i suppose

me: a romantic poem about some one else? a poem about civilization? a sexy poem? a poem about space?
these are the things i write about

sean: a sexy poem
but in your second letter
after he replies, tells you he's already read the call three times, that he is an anarchist who hates cops and who would love to go on a date with you

will they write me back?

i need to know if this is creepy or not...

Dear Wolves in the Throne Room,

Hi, my name is Arwyn. I live in a fox den in Austin, tx. It is my understanding you will be playing a show here in less than a week, unless your RV breaks down again. If you don't have to leave austin right after you're done playing (which I understand happens often with bands) you should consider staying at my house that night for a slumber party. Now, i live with kids, so we'd have to keep it down, but my fox den is mostly separate from the rest of the house, so we wouldn't have to ridiculously quiet or anything. just aware of our voices.
anyway, the slumber party would entail walking to the grave yard by my house, looking at stars, playing the game ninja, sitting in my fox den by candle light, listening to black metal, looking at my joanna newsom trunk, looking through my collection of bones and gossiping about whatever. We could also play uno, hot dice, scrabble or bananagrams. Or all of those games. And Never-have-i-ever. I would also tuck you in when you went to sleep. All of you. And make you espresso in the morning and wave to you as you drove off in your RV...
SO, if you want to come have a slumber party with me in my fox den (which is actually a garage that looks like a cabin inside) you are welcome to come over after the show. I promise we will have fun. I promise i'm not a creepy. I promise we can drink tea.

One day we'll be real friends in real life.

high fives,
Arwyn La Fox

things i've discovered in the last 24 hrs

-when i don't drink coffee i cry all day, unless i can go back to sleep
-some people hate sluts even though they're female, at least, according to a comment on youtube.com

what???

I CAN'T STOP COUGHING.

list of things i'd like to do

today, Thursday, August 4th, 2011

-sleep
-brush my teeth
-take a shower
-lay in bed looking out the window
-sweep my foxden
-write
-sleep
-hide under a blanket
-tell people calling my work to go fuck themselves

conversation with cha cha

me: are fire ants one of god's creatures?

cha cha: Hey, b4 we answer, pls help us personalize ChaCha to better meet ur needs. just answer 4 short Qs! Q1. what is your gender? txt MALE or FEMALE back to us.

(cha cha doesn't understand that sex and gender are 2 different things)

me: FEMALE

cha cha: Q2: What type of phone are you using? Txt 1-Windows Mbl, 2-iPhone, 3-Blckbry, 6-other phone w/web, 7-other non-web phone

me: 7

cha cha: *duplicate* Q2: What type of phone are you using? Txt 1-Windows Mbl, 2-iPhone, 3-Blckbry, 6-other phone w/web, 7-other non-web phone

me: 7-other non-web phone

cha cha: we could chacha much better if we knew ur phone: Txt 1-Windows Mbl, 2-iPhone, 3-Blckbry, 6-other phone w/web, 7-other non-web phone

me: 7-other non-web phone

cha cha: WOOT! you're nearly half way done with our survey! Txt 1-Windows Mbl, 2-iPhone, 3-Blckbry, 6-other phone w/web, 7-other non-web phone

me: 7

cha cha: we'd love 2 ans ur Q, but we cant til we know ur phone: Txt 1-Windows Mbl, 2-iPhone, 3-Blckbry, 6-other phone w/web, 7-other non-web phone

me: other non web phone

cha cha: Q3: What's ur ZIP? This helps us answer ur Qs better and hook u up with Hot Deals on food, fashion, fun!... Txt ur Zip code like this example: 71659

me: 78722

cha cha: *duplicate* Q3: What's ur ZIP? This helps us answer ur Qs better and hook u up with Hot Deals on food, fashion, fun!... Txt ur Zip code like this example: 71659

me: 78722

cha cha: No worries, ur info is safe w/ChaCha, and if we know ur ZIP we can give u better answers on MovieTimes, 411 and deals that matter 2 U! Txt like this: 71659

(does cha cha know i'm lying by 4 blocks??)

me: 78722

cha cha: Don't give up now! Ur already halfway done w/our survey and then u can get more ChaCah answers! Txt ur Zip Code like this example: 71659

me: 78722

cha cha: Hey, if u don't complete r mini survey we can't continue 2 provide answers! Ur nearly done! Txt ur Zip Code like this example: 71659

me: 78722

cha cha: Aargh, if u don't complete r mini survey we can't continue 2 provide answers! you're nearly done! Txt ur Zip Code like this example: 71659

me: 71659

cha cha: News flash: If u don't complete r mini survey we can't continue 2 provide answers! Ur nearly done! Txt ur Zip Code like this example: 71659

me: news flash i have sent my zip 5 times! 78722

cha cha: Stuck on this survey Q even tho you're trying? Go 2 customer.relations@chacha.com, and send us an email with 'SURVEY' in the Subject line. We'll rescue u!

i email "customer.relations@chacha.com" the conversation.
an hour later i still haven't heard back, and i can't wait much longer.

me: 78722

cha cha: Last Question! Q4: what is your age? Text your birthday in month.day.year format, ex. 06.09.90

me: 02.01.87

cha cha: *duplicate* Last Question! Q4: what is your age? Text your birthday in month.day.year format, ex. 06.09.90

me: 02.01.87

cha cha: Xbox or reading glasses? We can give u cool offers if we know ur age. Just txt ur birthday in month.day.year format, ex. 06.02.90 Ur nearly done!

i don't want a fucking "Xbox", i want to know if fire ants are god's creatures!

me: 02.01.1987

cha cha: That's it! Thanks for taking the time to make our service more useful to you. The Answer to your question is on its way! ChaCha on!

my answer?!!?!?
after 20 minutes i still haven't gotten "The Answer". i text again.

me: are fire ants one of god's creatures?

cha cha: call 631-403-2055 if you love America!

cha cha: ChaCha Crystal Ball says: This is the first time I've really changed my mind, my insides are crystal clear and the answer is YES!

what?
10 minutes later

cha cha: *duplex* That's it! Thanks for taking the time to make our service more useful to you. The Answer to your question is on its way! ChaCha on!

cha cha: Ur girlfriend called- she's got a message for u:781-452-4079

what girlfriend?

cha cha: Yes, ants are definitely living, breathing creatures, although ants, like all insects, don't have lungs. They breath through tiny holes in their sides called spiracles, one pair per segment. ChaCha!

the only thing helping me through the day

http://www.lolcatbible.com/index.php?title=Main_Page


Now, teh burth of teh Nointed Cat was liek dis: After Mary and Joseph wuz all "We get maerdied, kthnx", but befor dey haz hankiez pankiez Mary was a muthur cat thanx 2 HovurCat.19 Joseph was liek "I haz virjn - NOOOO dey be stealin my virjn! Must hied hur".20 But when he was tihnkin, zomg, a BirdCat frm Ceiling Cat was liek, "Oh hai! Iz in ur dreemz, givin u messij. Don be scairdy cat. Taek Mary as ur wife - is virjn. But teh Forse is strong in tihs wun, lol! HovrCat is on hur, givn hur kitlin, srsly."

everyday to do list

to-do list for everyday of my life
*GET OUT OF BED
*drink coffee
*go on morning walk
*drink water
*do kegels (kegals? spll?)
*eat fresh fruits and vegetables
*stretch
*don't kill myself (out of purpose or negligence)
*wear stylish pieces of metal
*be present
*finish something tiny
*kiss a furry creature BUT NOT A FURRY
*clean

list of things that are weird

list of things that are weird that i'm thinking about today
*when you hear someone's name all the time and then somehow find out they're involved in something you're involved in through the internet
*when you then internet stalk them to complete your picture of how they play into your friend's lives
*when people use the term "you" to mean "me/I"
*getting kittens from my roommate's ex-wife/partner
*dolly parton's face makes the perfect tattoo
*jealousy
*language and it's power
*communication, lack of communication, the complexities of communication
*when communication meets the internet via comments sections
*chickens

i wish

list of things i wish, today, wednesday the 18th of may 2011
*kittens
*i had more coffee
*active listening was a skill taught in every grade level of every school
*i had taken mediation classes when i had them for free in high school
*i had a dolly parton tattoo... ?
*a new tube and one of those plastic things to fix my flat tire
*a magic carpet
*a lot of things

holy shit!!!

dear horrible future

are you for real? come on, this is a joke.

right?

things that have happened

trying for chronological order, no guarantees!

-years ago on february 1st i was born. true story.
-2 weeks ago i was masturbating and i got bit by a mosquito right as i was going to orgasm. it totally ruined it.
-several nights ago i was in houston, i overheard my good friend Cupcake talking to someone about why we shouldn't talk to the cops. i went over to join the conversation, the person my friend Cupcake was addressing said "it's not just about not talking on principle, it's about making sure that we don't make our comrades seem suspicious when they don't talk" and i almost said "who are you and how'd you get so hot and southern?!?" but instead said "yeah, for sure"
-the next night in houston i was on a panel for the movie Better This World. there was a discussion about accountability and some said "we can't base a movement on interpersonal interactions, because we will always get let down and never build trust". i said "i don't know if i agree with that, because i think we'll always get let down no matter what. i don't trust these people because they will never let me down, i trust them because i know if they do we can talk about it and it's not the end of the world". since then i realized my "activism" is entirely based on interpersonal interaction.
-this morning i woke up, talked to my crush, played with a baby, drank coffee and walked the dog. READY FOR REALITY
-i went to the library the other day and read a book called Sneaky Salamanders, my heart filled with so much affection i thought i'd explode.

this is going to be ridiculous

things i thought when i woke up this morning:
-i love comal haus
-i love sleeping next to friends
-holy fuck stop telling me the time, phone.
-why do i taste like beer?
-i could just quit my job, and then i could go back to sleep


things i'm wondering right now:
-why can't we just communicate?
-what the fuck, gender roles?!
-if people know when i'm joking...

things i found on my shirt, today March 3rd 2011:
-dust
-down feathers
-bread crumbs
-hazelnut milk stains
-cat hair